My first of many "a-ha moments"

My way of thinking has been different this past week....I have always felt like my mind was boggled with so much stuff, but this week I feel like I have been paying ATTENTION more to the boggling!!
I was talking to my mom about how I felt like I had been tossed into the deep end of things & told to swim, without lessons on how to breathe, move my arms or kick my feet...then she helped me understand that this week wasn't a waste & I hadn't been tossed into any water without help, for this week was a chance to start the wheel of thinking....
Let me explain...
I feel like I have been more aware of what I eat, when I eat & why I eat....as well as how I eat (i.e. in the car, on the run, standing up, etc)....I have also been more aware of what triggers my eating, whether it is hunger, boredom, stress, etc....
As I have been paying attention & making mental notes (filing it somewhere among the boggle), I had a moment today that made me STOP & take REAL notice!!
I sub-teach at elementary schools, I LOVE the job, it gives me a chance to be around my children, since it has been hard to have everyone of them in school full time for the first time since I got married & started having children....I enjoy being in the classroom, exercising my brain, watching young children grasp a concept for the first time (this is part of how I am feeling about this challenge), I love teaching children, being around them & helping them learn - however today, well today was one of those days, those days when NO child in the classroom will listen, where every child (even the well behaved ones) pushed every button they could find or make up to see what the sub would do....
I left the school at lunch time to go home to eat, as soon as I got in my van, I immediately called Matt & told him, "okay partner, right now you need to give me just ONE good reason why I should NOT go to Chevron and get me a dr. pepper, since I am SURE I am not going to make it throughout the rest of this day without one, this class has pushed me & I am not sure I can make it without one, I deserve this, I have earned it by dealing with the unruly class so far today, so come one, just one, give me one...."
Well I should maybe clue you in that dr. pepper is my weakness, I LOVE it, NO I won't drink diet, I am not a fan, I don't want diet, I want the real stuff, on ice, sweet refreshment & of course a dr. pepper can't be complete without some form of chocolate to wash it down....so you see by going & getting a dr. pepper I would have to get a snickers to go with it, a huge step back for me & the start of giving myself 'permission' to do it again, when I felt JUSTIFIED in needing it....
So the "a-ha moment": realizing that NOTHING that happens to me gives me the PERMISSION to eat or drink something that I crave, just because I crave it! And that the items I choose to eat or drink WILL mean that I get to have a set back, whether that is more time at the gym, something less healthy that I can eat later, or the difference between one size of jeans verses another....
So dr. pepper, for now you will stay on tap for others...
I will miss the great times we have had, I will not forget how you pulled me along all these years, figure out how you can be healthy & maybe, just maybe we will meet up again!!