The weight is gone....

The pressure is off, the weight is gone, the stress has subsided....
I can't believe how much better I feel today, knowing that all the work that I did for the past 100 days has been measured & recorded & this is just the beginning of the next chapter in the healthier me book!!
I am proud of myself, I am looking forward & not backwards, because if I do that, I will see where I could have, should have & didn't have (fill in the blank)....and the only blanks I want to fill in are the blanks of the future as I write my own story from here on out....

I was at the gym this morning, after my children's assembly, running & working out with all the heart patients....it was a humbling experience for me, watching these sweet, older people better their lives after various heart surgeries....I do not want to be them, I want to be running in my old age & enjoying my life without the aid of stints, pacers or by-pass surgeries....

The weight is gone in so many different aspects for me....
Here is to my healthy life style.....

a tribute to my gun man

So did you read what Matt wrote about me on his post??
What a nice man, so honey this one is for you!!

I am so flipping proud of those guns that you carry around on you at ALL times, those babies are LOADED....I am amazed that your stomach is nearly gone & that you have the tightest pecks this side of our cul-de-sac....you amaze me that you can say no to chocolate, soda & all things unhealthy, while saying YES to one more hour at the gym & one more notch up on the treadmill....
You inspire me & I am so glad that you & your guns are MINE....
here is to my partner & friend!! CHEERS!!! (by the way, we are cheering with ICE WATER!!!)

Race for Red....

Before the race, really am I smiling & acting excited about this??? hmmmm

Amy & I crossing the finish line....whew, glad that is over!!!

The heart challenge participants of 2010 (minus the Winters, Michelle & Betty) way to go to all of us!!!

Matt & I at the finish, now THIS smile is really genuine since I am glad to be done....

4:45 the alarm goes off, I groan....this is nothing, I am usually at the gym by this time every morning, going strong....oh yes, I remember now, it is Saturday, the day I have waited for, dreaded, worried about, dreamed about, looked forward to - my first 5K....the race for red is finally here. 100 days ago, it was just a dream, one more thing on my bucket list, one thing that I would work for "later"....later is here, my bucket list ready to have one more thing marked off from it, today was the day!!

Matt is an incredible runner, he has been running since October, so he is good at running, me on the other hand, started a month ago....I don't run, I hate running, I don't feel any "good" from it, but I wanted to do it....I started going slow on the tread mill about a month ago, running just a little, just to see if I could do it...I could, but I didn't want to tell anyone - telling someone would make me accountable - I wanted to surprise Matt with my running (I ended up telling him about a week later, I am not a good secret keeper - when it comes to something fun - I am good at keeping confidences)

I didn't want to keep Matt from doing his best, so I told him, I want you to run your pace, not my slow, barely moving my behind pace....go ahead of me, run your best, after all this was his run too, not just about me....My mom was going to do the 5K with me, she wasn't sure if she could do the entire thing running, so she was going to walk. I knew I could do more than just walk, so I told her I wanted to try to run the entire thing, I didn't mean to leave her behind, it just happened....Matt's cousin & my good friend, Amy found out last week about the 5K, she wanted to do one, so asked if she could join me....she & I talked strategy & found out we were about the same in our running, so we decided to hook up & run....

What a rush, what a feeling of accomplishment!!

So glad that Matt was my support (even though you didn't come back to find me :) ), proud of my mom for doing it & winning 2nd in her age division!! Way to go MOM!! And glad to cross the finish line next to Amy....

I am excited that I did it, I am glad to check something off my list that was collecting dust, I am proud of my accomplishment, I fought a good fight & I came across the finish line RUNNING!!

setting new goals

With the finish line in sight, I decided to sit down & make some new goals that will help me stay on the path we have been traveling. I know that it will not be as easy without having nutrition classes to go to, a weekly check in with Traci, a work out with a trainer, encouragement from friends, but it will be possible!!
As we get to this point in the challenge, it is easy to see what we should have done & wish for things to be different at this time. It is easy to look around at each other & make judgements on what others have or haven't done, but is it fair to compare?
It really is an individual race, our own race for our health & NOTHING that anyone else in the competition has done or hasn't done will play a part in our future health...the only comparison game we should be playing is that with ourselves....compare what you have done since the beginning of the challenge & if there room for improvement, set new goals & go for it....
We are all winners no matter what the numbers say, because we APPLIED to change, we were PICKED to change & we all CONTINUE to change & to improve our lives. So compare yourself to the person 90 days ago that faced you in the mirror & CELEBRATE the changes!!!

Childlike

....I was at Orem Rec today, working out -
....I had to get a new phone so my playlist isn't there to listen to -
....I borrowed my 7 year old's ipod shuffle -
....I moved to a different beat today -
....It included songs like "down by the station" and "phineas & ferb" -
....I think I liked feeling like a kid!!

Taking it up a notch....and my crack pants

....I am sure that the title of this post will make you think that I am talking about exercise & watching what I eat - that I am going to take it up one more notch, but alas it is not....nope this post is about the cheap, walmart, fake leather belt that I bought at the beginning of the challenge (or shortly after it started)...

Let me back up a bit & explain....I have NO idea whose "brilliant" idea it was to create pants for women that don't fit!!! I am talking about these low riding, sit on the hip, show a lot more crack than I want to see on anyone else, let alone SHOW of mine pants!!! I am a fashion failure, meaning that I am NOT hip, I am NOT up on the latest & greatest styles, I HATE to shop & it has NOTHING to do with the fact that I get discouraged because I can't find anything, it has everything to do with the fact that I think it is a waste of time, money & effort...however I hear there are laws (thank goodness) against running around with no clothes on, therefore one must shop!!
So back at the beginning of the challenge all of my current pants/jeans got together & decided to sprout holes in them, all at once.....I was very upset at this because first I hate to shop, second I didn't want to have to buy pants in the size I was in at the time, third I LOVED the pants I had & really didn't want to part with them, I had them 'broken in' like I enjoy them & fourth, I hate to shop!!! But off to the mall Matt & I went (I refused to wear skirts in place of jeans - did it for 18 months already!!)
We found some jeans that we both agreed looked 'cool enough', off to the dressing room we went, they were the low riding, crack showing kind of jeans....didn't like them, but didn't want to wear elastic waisted ones quite yet....so I got them....now not knowing the 'right' way to buy these crack pants, I bought my "normal" size....OOPS!! it didn't take me long to realize that I couldn't wear them where I normally wear my jeans (around my REAL waist) without them falling down & resting on my shelves (also known as hips)....
So I had to go buy a belt to keep them up where I actually wanted them to be (see I bought super long length, so I could wear them hiked up)....I think I am painting a rather interesting picture here...hmmmm But knowing that I was hopefully going to be losing some inches in my waist & hips, I decided I didn't want to spend a lot of money on a belt....so off to walmart I go, found a great fake leather belt for only $8.00....I didn't want to buy a large size, so I tried on the small/medium size & stressed that belt to fit....I could barely get the hook in the first hole, but I refused to buy larger, it was not on the game plan....
Over the weeks, the fake leather top has ripped, so I pulled the whole bit off, it is now a nice shade of gray with brown accents :) , I have slowly tighted this belt up each week, marking progress of inches gone....then today I discovered something that has just made me giddy with some excitement.....I am now on the LAST hole of this belt, no more stress, no more tightening, there are NO more holes available....and honestly I could use another hole....
I am so freaking excited!! I can't believe that a belt & a hole could make one feel so accomplished....I remember when Matt was losing a lot of weight a few years ago (if you haven't visited his blog to see his photos from about 6 years ago, GO!!!) & he kept making new holes in his belt & I wondered if that would ever be me.....NOW it is....I am so excited to go shopping to find pants that actually FIT me in the waist & I bet I can find some, and just possibly they will be some that won't have to sit on my hips or increase the crack problem invading our world!!!
YAY me!!!

Now then on another note, the class this AM was AMAZING, Mike was great, I loved the food ideas & I am anxious to try the wraps on the boys in the morning!!! However I really wonder what rock I have been under....I had NO idea that next week would be the last week of class, what am I going to do without seeing each of you weekly????....is this a way of weaning us from each other & making us independent for the weeks to come?? YIKES, I am going to miss seeing every ones smiling faces & I am sad to think it is coming to an end...{sigh}

made me think....

Okay, I am copying what Brittany did, I am putting a quote on here, it is one that I read today on Facebook, I liked it...

"Challenges are what make life more interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."

another week

I am looking forward to another week of working hard & meeting goals that I have set for myself...
There have been moments during the challenge that I really wished I had done something different, that I had really held onto a moment for a longer period of time & relished in it for a bit longer....
But hitting the last 25 days of this challenge has just reiterated to me that it is not over & I will continue to learn from the lessons & mistakes I have made & that every single moment is a new moment to relish & conquer....
AWWWW, the power of ones mind, you can do ANYTHING you set your mind too, that is a lesson I learned very well last night!! I am going to be prideful for a moment & say that I am amazed at myself & the one thing I have been able to accomplish....I am proud of myself for a moment of time!!! I set a goal & not only did I reach it, I exceeded it....and it had NOTHING to do with what I eat, how much I lose or the amount I work out, it was just something I had to do!! Thanks babe for pushing me along on the journey!!!

finding satisfaction

Satisfaction: (sat-is-fak-shuhn) noun - an act of satisfying, fulfillment, gratification, contentment; confident acceptance of something as satisfactory, dependable, true, etc; the opportunity to redress or right a wrong.
(I know what I want to say, just not sure if it will come across like I want, so here goes nothing:

This word has been swimming through my mind a lot the past few days....for lots of different reasons...
a: finding satisfaction in working out hard & making progress
b: finding satisfaction in what I choose to eat
c: finding satisfaction in what I choose NOT to eat
d: finding satisfaction in the progress that I feel
e: finding satisfaction in how I am changing physically, mentally & emotionally
f: finding satisfaction in how others perceive what I have been doing (compliments)
g: finding satisfaction in knowing that I am changing a wrong into a right (see above definition)

So last night was a HUGE a-ha moment for me & this "satisfaction issue". I realize that I am counting on others to help me to FEEL this satisfaction that I want so badly - let me explain....I have been running into friends & acquaintances throughout this challenge, some that I see on a regular basis & some that I haven't seen for months. Upon seeing some of these friends, I have anxiously awaited for them to make some profound comment on the change that I am certain is happening while on this challenge, I am sitting on the edge of my seat, if you will, anxious to hear them gush over the amount of weight loss they see in me (I am vain, yes, I know I have lost, why can't others see it too??), then last night, after spending an entire day with a group of ladies that I haven't seen since last fall & not have ONE of them comment on the 'new look of Ali' it hit me: I HAVE TO BE THE ONE THAT IS SATISFIED WITH WHAT I AM DOING, NOT WAITING AROUND FOR OTHERS TO GIVE ME THE COMMENTS!!!
I am learning, slowly to be proud of what I have been able to do, I am proud that I go to the gym & work hard, I am proud when I make better choices on how I cook & what I eat, I am even proud when I choose to eat something I enjoy & KNOW when to stop, I am proud when I realize that I have changed something so wrong in my life to something better, I am proud when I move my belt up a notch because if not my pants will fall (and I have told my boys that crack kills, so....), I am proud of myself, even if I am walking into that wall of disappointment more times that I am walking down the hall of fame!!

Finding satisfaction in what I am doing is a huge milestone for me.....

Hitting walls

I should get the hint...really it isn't that hard....Sleep IS my friend, as I was going into the wellness center this morning with my mom, I seriously hit into the wall while trying to walk upstairs to exercise - the anticipation & excitement to get busy & sweat was too much for me to contain I suppose...not really, it was the lack of being able to see in the wee hours - but as much as I am not a fan of getting up, I AM a fan of getting to the gym & starting my day off on the right foot!!!
Actually I am hitting walls all over the place....the wall of making a menu & sticking to it; the wall of planning a shopping list & actually going to the store; the wall of chocolate temptation!! It has been worse this past week than it has been the whole challenge, I can't stop thinking & dreaming of chocolate - the nice creamy brown wall of chocolate...but I am resisting (but not without a fit or two); hitting the wall of realizing that in 5 weeks we are done, what is a girl to do?? Will we keep in touch, will we not care about all we learned & go back to bad habits?? What walls await us???
I am feeling good about where I am at this point, still have a few things I want to change & feel the frustration of the wall of disappointment....

Forget the weight room!!

I am only joking, don't forget the weight room, but I am telling you the bug I got yesterday worked my arms & upper body better than anything Julianne or Traci have thrown my way up to this point. AND NO THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO UP THE PROGRAM!!!
Remember it is all about me this week....well one of the things that I cherish & desire is to have a clean house, I have really, really relaxed on how anal I am about the house, after all I finally got not just one, but TWO dogs that live IN the house with us....trust me, this is VERY unlike me, but it is another post all together....now going back to my desire....
I have started to learn that having a CLEAN, meaning eat off the floor clean, house is a harder task than I have had the energy, time or strength to deal with for a very long time....but one thing was bugging me & yesterday was "tackle day"....my kitchen floor
It is one of the first things you will see when you enter into my home & it was driving me CRAZY, so after dropping the boys off to school I zoomed past target, loaded myself down with a big bottle of pine-sol (can't really stand the stuff, but I wanted to be able to SMELL clean!!), a big scrubbing brush & rubber gloves....headed home & started scrubbing the floor on my hands & knees....
I shall have bruises for a few days I am afraid (or at least sore, sore knees) & my arms were so worked out that the weights nearly did me in this morning, but I went, lifted & got through it....I look forward to having a nap today AND tomorrow now, for crying out loud I deserve it....
So if you want a good upper body workout, get cleaning!!
(side note to all you men out there, when the wife asks you if you can see a difference, JUST SAY YES, even if you can't really see - now to be fair to Matt, our floor is very, very hard to see the dirt - a reason I picked it, it hits the yucky well - but my son will attest that it was DIRTY - so while Matt couldn't really see the difference until I pointed it all out (I still had a dirty patch to finish), men just lie if you must!! :) he he )

This week....

This week I am kicking it up more, gonna dedicate more time at the gym & watch every freaking thing that goes into my mouth....this week I am going to spend doing some things for ME, only ME, I am being selfish!! I plan to go to the temple, I plan to go for an afternoon walk, I plan to go paint at color me mine, I plan on doing a boutique for my business, I plan on only working at the school Friday this week, because I NEED a break & I need to balance myself out a bit....
I plan on taking a nap Wednesday, because my friend & I are going out tomorrow night to a late movie, I plan on getting it all together so that I can kick it up some more!!
So here's to ME & the things I will discover this week because of ME, MYSELF & I....

Why oh "Y"?

Spring break is one of my most favorite times of the year, I LOVE knowing that I have a week to catch up & spend with my boys!! We have endless time to do fun 'day trips', going places that we enjoy!!

Every year I try to figure out something new that we haven't done before & toss that into the equation....well this year, MATT came up with the idea....

"Let's hike up to the Y on the mountain!!" he says....

Now then I have lived in Provo my entire life (except when I was on my mission & when I was a nanny) & I have NEVER, EVER had a desire to hike up to sit on the Y...but this time it actually sounded FUN!!?? really hiking & fun in the same sentence?? hmmmm (must be those early mornings & the lack of chocolate that is clouding my mind!!)

So up we got on Saturday, Matt packed the backpack (now mind you I had NO idea what he put in there until I put the pack on - being nice, we were going to take turns carrying it) I teased him all the way up that he took the entire fridge!! (he is a good sport)

At first I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it, we hadn't even hit the third turn & I was sweating buckets, had my jacket off (I was the only one winded mind you), felt the burn in my legs like no other & was wheezing all the while!! Then I took the fridge off my back & sailed the rest of the way up....

It was so amazing to sit up on the side of the mountain with Matt & the boys & know that I had the strength to enjoy such a hike....to be a PART of the adventure, rather than send everyone else off to have the fun!!

AMAZING!!!

all I am saying is this:

AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!
We are more than 1/2 way through....(said in awe, panic & total disbelief!!)
last 6 week workout anyone!!! ha ha
pushing harder, harder, harder!!!

Fooling who??

...okay, this morning as I walked out of the gym from my workout, I told my mom: "seriously WHO am I fooling? This is going to be one of those 'I am going to stop by & get me some chocolate to get me through this day' days"...I am saying good bye to one of my dearest friends today, so really who am I fooling?? I am emotionally eating a chocolate today - Debbie would want me to! And I am not going to try to fool myself into believing that just for today I am NOT going to emotionally eat a chocolate (actually I already had it, a small bit, it was good & I do feel better), so I am done trying to fool myself into believing I am strong today, because I am not, just for today....

Not sure what to post about....

...I really don't know what to post about...I have a lot going on in my head & heart, but just not willing to share it with everyone, sometimes things are just better left unsaid...
But I want to share SOMETHING, so I am just typing away, hoping that something profound will find its way through the cobwebs & mess in my head & come through my fingers to say....
waiting....
waiting....
it has been an interesting week for me, I finally finished my 5 week (it was cut short, thanks to spring break :) ) teaching job of my sweet sixth graders, one of the co-teachers, who also happens to be my sons teacher & a friend of mine, was talking to me about how I survived the 5 weeks & how I managed to do things with this class that the regular teacher never did, it was nice to know that I did something right, it was nice to know that I am done, it is sad to say good bye, but I am ready to move on to the next class & get my life back!!! My friend also said to me, "I bet you learned more about yourself than you realize during this past month." I have pondered on this & I have learned stuff, things I wouldn't be able to know without the experience I had in the school ~ some good, some not so good ~ I am glad that I could be successful in what I did.
The kids also knew about this challenge & was amazed that their teacher was "pumping iron", so they challenged me to come back at the end of the challenge & do 40 push ups for them (they said one for every year I am old ~ little monkeys), so I am working on that for them, we will see what happens....ugggg!!
I am looking forward to spending a week home with my boys, I look forward to having some serious down time to do "normal" things with them, we are planning some fun outings during spring break & they are even excited to pack healthy snacks & lunches to help us stay away from Wendy's or McDonalds....
We found out yesterday, from our oldest that he really doesn't like veggie burgers, he was only eating them because he knew it was important to Matt & I to eat better & he would be a "good sport", so I guess we will be giving him something different. What a great sacrifice on his part to encourage us to be on track & healthy!!!
I learned that soccer at dinner time calls for creativity ~ as before I would just grab & go, now I have to PLAN, PREPARE & THINK before we hit the field, it has meant healthy snacks during the game to tie us all over until AFTER the game, it means setting the oven or cooking in the crock pot, it means ORGANIZATION!!
I also realized that I can get a good mile or mile & 1/2 walk/run in BEFORE a game...the boys have to be on the field 30 minutes prior to starting time in comp ball, so that means we all go early....so instead of just sitting there, being lazy, I don my walking shoes on, go in my workout clothes, stick my ear plugs in & WALK!! It has given me the boost of energy I need to get through those last few hours of the day (plus it helps me not feel so guilty about going to bed a 8:30!! ~ but trust me folks, 4:00 AM comes quick)!!
I also learned that no matter how rotten life feels at the moment, the best thing to do is cry about it & still go to the gym!! I had a very, very dear friend pass away this week, the call came right as we were heading out the door to meet Julianne, I knew her death was coming, but the timing wasn't the best....as Matt & I drove to the gym, I cried like a baby - Matt kept telling me he would take me home & I didn't have to work out, however I knew that Debbie wants me to be successful in this challenge, she would want me to do what I had planned & not fuss over her, so I came, I cried walking, biking & lifting weights....I got through it....the lesson I learned is that no matter what life hands you, you must have the MENTAL strength to get through it - and no matter how hard it is to exercise or put that piece of chocolate down, if you have the MENTAL strength to get through it, you will!!!
I can't believe we are more than half through this, I am wishing the clock could be turned back, that we had the knowledge & know how we have NOW to start over....but I am truly grateful for the time we have had in the first half of this challenge to learn!! Here is to the next 7 weeks, may the force be with us to DO our best & in the words of Yoda (yes I am a star wars fan):
"Do or Do Not; there is no TRY!"

I am still alive....barely

Okay...
its been a while....
well really toooo long....
since I last posted a post....
but I just haven't found anytime to do it....
soccer started....
school is still going strong....
still getting up before the birds to workout....literally!!
wondering if THIS weekend will be the one that I get caught up with life (I have been saying this for 3 weeks now)....
just wanted to reassure people I am still alive....
BARELY!! :)
Hope all is well with everyone, missed seeing you all at the class on Friday, but the country fair took priority at school....now that was fun, 34 students, stressed out about this huge project they were doing (trust me I know how stressed, as I had one in my home getting his done!!), looking forward to class on Friday, workout with Julianne on Thursday & well just really finding time for ME at somepoint, in the near, near future....
PS a nap sounds so heavenly!!!

The busiest time of my life....

I was speaking to a friend the other day, talking about all the different things that I was balancing & expressing how fitting an exercise program & healthy eating was the hurdle that I was overcoming day by day....
She was kind enough to remind me that RIGHT NOW is probably the busiest time of my life, and that this is a positive thing, because if I could make it work RIGHT NOW when I feel so overwhelmed & exhausted, then chances are I would be okay when life settles down!!
I look forward to my life settling down just a bit...I just found out yesterday that I will be done teaching 2 weeks earlier than I thought (one of those weeks being spring break), while part of me is sad to be done, a bigger part of me is excited to make ME a priority again & go back to occasional teaching....
I am learning to listen to my body in all sorts of ways....not just about hunger, but also how I am feeling mentally, physically, spiritually & emotionally....at times it scares me to see where I am heading in all these "departments", but then it thrills me to see where I have been & how much I have grown....
Let the countdown begin....T-minus 16 days until my life becomes mine again!!

AHHHHH......

....the weekend is here!!!
FINALLY!!!!

random ramblings

I ate a cookie, it tasted good...I felt guilt, I got over it!!
I didn't work out every day last week, I was okay with that, my body & mind was screaming louder than the treadmill!!
Matt & I created an incredible menu for the week & shopped together for everything, that was nice to get done!!
I am getting out of bed way earlier than should be legal to work out, but I am sleeping like a baby at night - I am glad about this....
I am trying to increase my knowledge about so much I am sure my brain is going to explode!!
My bike level was upped this week, as I worked out I screamed like I was in labor (we were the only ones there, no worries, I didn't scare anyone) & then told Matt having all 3 boys without an epidural was much more fun than that bike workout...now I cringe on the inside while riding, too many people around!! (Please go away so I can scream, it is a great stress reliever!!)
I had great chats with both Mary & Kathy!! Thanks for the support & listening ear!!
I am glad that I am doing this challenge with Matt, I couldn't imagine trying to change so much of my life without him next to me...at least this way he understands what I am experiencing!!
Thanks Honey!!

Not giving up

This week has been a challenge for me, I have felt extremely busy & overwhelmed with what my plate has on it right now...trying to figure out what is the most important & what can wait until the next day or even the next 6 weeks!!
I have felt frustrated with myself for not planning better on some of the days this week, I have felt the effects of it...
I know I need to give myself a break, but I feel like I am on a very fast moving merry-go-round that is going to run out of steam before I can enjoy the ride completely....I have always been a perfectionist & I don't like to do things just half way, I figure if I am only going to do a job partially then I shouldn't even be doing any of it....
However, I learned a valuable lesson this week while feeling the frustration of my non-existent planning, the most IMPORTANT part was that I DID NOT give up, even though I was only giving it half of me, that I couldn't do 100%, that was HUGE, I know that tomorrow will come & I can try to improve my day a little bit more, that I need to give myself credit for the things I DID do & not dwell on the things I didn't do....
So here is to another week, one that might go better, might not....I guess that is the best part of the story, it can be both an adventure AND a mystery!!!

The best birthday gifts ever

Okay, so I was really worried that I was going to get chocolates, dr. pepper & other yummy, yet not on my plan, items this year for my birthday....but instead I got:
**to get up at 4:15 to go work out before going to teach my class,
**to go to the jr. high with 94 11/12 year olds to learn about different classes,
**a huge container of strawberries to munch on,
**the best homemade cards from my boys,
**a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my husband (delivered at school),
**a classroom of wonderful young people that were on their best behavior,
**a gift card from Julianne (my trainer) to go to Oasis Yogurt for a fun, guilt free treat!!,
**cards that expressed what people admire in me,
**a nice rest/nap after school
**a peanut butter sandwich for lunch (this is one of my all time favorites)

It has been a good day....I am so blessed...
Here's to the next 40 years, may they be more healthy than the first 40!!
**but I am really, really craving cadbury mini eggs, why, I ask why!!?? he he

Girls Night Out!!

Once every couple of weeks I go out, late at night, just me & my friends....it is wind down time, it is our time without kids or husbands, without the worry or stress that everyday life throws at us, it is goofy time, a time to laugh, a time to tell each other our thoughts, concerns, worries & triumphs, it is GIRLS NIGHT!!!

Last night was the night!! We were going to see Dear John at the movies, I was excited...I needed the night away, I had just had an incredible workout at the gym, I had school lunches packed, the house straightened up, gotten a lot done during the day & had done well on eating & doing what I should, so I deserved it....

I loaded my pocket with a low fat yogurt & a granola bar...I tucked my "life is good" mug under my arm & I was ready to go!!!

The first thing my friends wanted to do was eat something!! That is great I thought, I can do this...we ended up at Farr's Fresh Ice Cream & Yogurt....for those that have been there, STAY AWAY & for those that haven't, DON'T EVEN GET NEAR IT!!! ha ha, it is super good....you go in, there are about 16 different flavors of tart yogurt, yogurt, ice cream & custard to choose from.....you don't have to know what kind you want, because they help you by giving you these cute little 'tester cups' to try them all if you want!!!

Then you fill your cup (by the way they only have 2 sizes, large & larger) with whatever type of ice cream you want, then you turn around to the most amazing (I am quoting my 7 year old!!) array of toppings....I mean come on, if you have thought about it being on top of your ice cream, then chances are you will find it there....they range from candy bars to fruit to hot fudge!!! It is amazing!! After you are done, then you go over, put your creation on the scales & pay by the ounce....

So we go in, I just stand there, looking at all the people find joy in picking out & creating their masterpieces.....my friends included....I don't even feel a temptation to get one, I just encourage them to pick the healthiest stuff they can - the tart yogurt with fruit & nuts - my one friend tells me I am high!! :), she goes for the gusto, I am not jealous of her choice, it looked divine, but just not worth the calories to me....my other friend gets what I recommended because she hasn't seen me since this challenge started & was amazed at what I told her I had accomplished so far!!

Then comes the movie....we get our ticket, we are assaulted by the smell of fresh popped popcorn, my friend buys a large (she always does, she always offers some, I always refuse, I am not a movie popcorn person - I enjoy popcorn at home, when I can make it, fresh & hot, but just not at the movie, for the most part - I have to REALLY be in the mood for it)....anyhow we go in, me with my full water bottle, yogurt & granola - them loaded down with popcorn & drinks....

The ticket guy gives my friend trouble for bringing in her own water bottle, didn't say a word to me - what do you think he would have done had he known that I had stashed my yogurt & granola?? hmmmmm he he he

I was proud that I had my little snack, ate it quickly before the movie started, because I read somewhere recently that watching TV while eating slows down your metabolism....so I don't want it to slow, I just want to enjoy!!! The movie was good, the company the BEST & the resistance to eating when my friends eat a new hurdle I faced head on & did!!!

It saddens me to think that we are so tempted everywhere we go to EAT or DRINK to feel a part of the social crowd, my friend asked me, don't you feel awkward not eating with us?? I just said no, I am enjoying your company, I am good....

I am glad that I can still have girls night out & that my friends love & respect me & what I am choosing to do to not make it an issue, that is so helpful!! And I am glad I thought ahead & took my own 'treat' that I could enjoy (I would have taken carrots, but they crunch too loud!!)

really!!?? I have to think of a title???

So this morning I met my mom down at the gym & worked out with her for about an hour, it was fun to see her on the machines & teach her what I have learned so far, as she has taught me so much since she did the challenge 2 years ago & especially since I started the challenge myself...it was a great start to the day...
Tonight Matt & I met with Julianne, our trainer, for a workout....
I was exhuasted, but I really wanted to push myself & I did....I was pretty sure that I was going to DIE on both the elliptical & bike (when it goes to the highest level/resistance there is, I am sure I have fallen off my imaginary bike & have passed out on the side of the 'road')...anyhow, after getting my heart pumped up & going, I went to the weights & really pushed myself, I am ready to do MORE on the weights!! Towards the end of the workout I got into a silly fit of giggles....I think I am too worn out & tired to not just giggle!!! I was just feeling so awkward & goofy looking sitting on a mat trying to imitate exercises....I swear coordination has left this body & so it was just goofy...
On the way home I told Matt, okay, so I had FUN tonight, it was great to laugh & to just let loose.....I want & need to have fun while I am doing this & not worry so much about being perfect or better, but to just ACCEPT where I am & be in the moment!!! I think that while doing this challenge I am going to discover a lot of things about me, some that I want to face & others that I would rather keep bottled up inside!!! But it will be good, it is a complete overhaul on my body, mind & soul!!!
As I write this, I have the olympics on, watching all these AMAZING athletes & realize that I too can go for gold in everything I do!!!
Go team USA & go us!!!!

another week!!

It is the start...
of another week...
May the force be with me...
and you...
in our quest!!!

feeling the frustration of finding the time....

I am usually very organized in most things I do....

Like most women I balance a lot of different things all at once, wondering when something else will be tossed my way, wanting to be included in the balance. Sometimes I find it easy to let something drop & move on, other times I feel very inclined to hold on to it all, doing the best I can to keep the balance.


Balancing all this stuff takes time to have it all organized to run smoothly. I often tell the family that a magic fairy really DOES NOT live at our house, but while they are work or school, I am home getting things done....you know what I am talking about, housework, laundry, shopping, bills, cooking, etc., on top of working both in my home with my home business & teaching at the schools, doing my church callings, finding "ME" time & now tossing exercise, calorie counting, meal planning & nutrition classes into the equation.


For a long time I used every single excuse under the sun NOT to spend time ON me, I didn't spend time making my life just as important as those around me...I didn't like leaving the children, I hated feeling guilty for even CONSIDERING taking time to go out & do something for me, exercise was something that I would have to do when I could find the time later, after the kids were in bed (but honestly I was too tired at that point, so it would have to wait until tomorrow - guess what tomorrow never came, it just came & went!) There just wasn't the TIME I needed to spend on making myself a priority (or so I thought)...I felt like I was spending all my time on doing things for others....one of the great pitfalls that I think mothers of young ones experience...


Time isn't something that I feel like I have a lot of....seriously sometimes it doesn't feel like 24 hours is enough to get it all done...I am sitting here, feeling like a pressure cooker waiting to explode with all the responsibilities I have...finding the time to plan out a menu (it used to be easy, I would just switch up the 30 meals we were used to having - okay it was more than that, but you know what I am talking about, the "rut menu" - having spaghetti at least once every two weeks, because it was easy & cheap, pizza another night, chicken & rice, etc) planning a time to go shopping while the children are at school, tossing in an hour at the gym, housework, appointments, prior commitments with work, etc.

Right now I think the thing that is killing me about time is that I am "in labor"; you see I am going to be teaching for 6 straight weeks at my children's elementary school while one of the 6th grade teachers has a baby & has her maternity leave...I am really excited, yet I am also overwhelmed right now...you see I don't know WHEN it is going to start (she is already progressing, but not due until March 6th), I could get 'the call' at anytime & so I feel a need to be organized with meals, shopping, a clean home, a plan of when I can go exercise, bills up to date, laundry caught up, etc. I just sat with Matt trying to figure out a menu, one that included several different meals, because the "rut menu" isn't going to cut it anymore...I felt for just a minute that this wasn't FAIR that I couldn't just run & get hamburgers at Wendy's anymore or call for the pizza man to bring my dinner for 3 nights a week (I really haven't ever done that, but doesn't it sound heavenly?? sort of??), I feel like I don't have the energy to keep up with the demands this job is going to expect, yet I know that I can do it....

It will just take TIME to figure out...time to understand that I need to make the gym a priority, eating healthy will just mean taking time to cut up a container of veggies to take to school with me, making the time to come home at lunch to eat a good meal & start dinner preparations, coming to the nutrition class will boost my spirits & having the support of my husband will drive me along...

After all, isn't it about time??? :) And I now KNOW that I AM WORTH THE TIME!!!!

PS Matt just listened to what I wrote & the cheeky monkey just said, well that took some TIME to write that much!! ha ha, funny honey!!!

Stress induced exercise....

...long day
...meeting with trainer
...stress at a new high
...sweat
...the burn
...the success
...I LOVE STRESS INDUCED EXERCISE!!!!!

My first of many "a-ha moments"

My way of thinking has been different this past week....I have always felt like my mind was boggled with so much stuff, but this week I feel like I have been paying ATTENTION more to the boggling!!
I was talking to my mom about how I felt like I had been tossed into the deep end of things & told to swim, without lessons on how to breathe, move my arms or kick my feet...then she helped me understand that this week wasn't a waste & I hadn't been tossed into any water without help, for this week was a chance to start the wheel of thinking....
Let me explain...
I feel like I have been more aware of what I eat, when I eat & why I eat....as well as how I eat (i.e. in the car, on the run, standing up, etc)....I have also been more aware of what triggers my eating, whether it is hunger, boredom, stress, etc....
As I have been paying attention & making mental notes (filing it somewhere among the boggle), I had a moment today that made me STOP & take REAL notice!!
I sub-teach at elementary schools, I LOVE the job, it gives me a chance to be around my children, since it has been hard to have everyone of them in school full time for the first time since I got married & started having children....I enjoy being in the classroom, exercising my brain, watching young children grasp a concept for the first time (this is part of how I am feeling about this challenge), I love teaching children, being around them & helping them learn - however today, well today was one of those days, those days when NO child in the classroom will listen, where every child (even the well behaved ones) pushed every button they could find or make up to see what the sub would do....
I left the school at lunch time to go home to eat, as soon as I got in my van, I immediately called Matt & told him, "okay partner, right now you need to give me just ONE good reason why I should NOT go to Chevron and get me a dr. pepper, since I am SURE I am not going to make it throughout the rest of this day without one, this class has pushed me & I am not sure I can make it without one, I deserve this, I have earned it by dealing with the unruly class so far today, so come one, just one, give me one...."
Well I should maybe clue you in that dr. pepper is my weakness, I LOVE it, NO I won't drink diet, I am not a fan, I don't want diet, I want the real stuff, on ice, sweet refreshment & of course a dr. pepper can't be complete without some form of chocolate to wash it down....so you see by going & getting a dr. pepper I would have to get a snickers to go with it, a huge step back for me & the start of giving myself 'permission' to do it again, when I felt JUSTIFIED in needing it....
So the "a-ha moment": realizing that NOTHING that happens to me gives me the PERMISSION to eat or drink something that I crave, just because I crave it! And that the items I choose to eat or drink WILL mean that I get to have a set back, whether that is more time at the gym, something less healthy that I can eat later, or the difference between one size of jeans verses another....
So dr. pepper, for now you will stay on tap for others...
I will miss the great times we have had, I will not forget how you pulled me along all these years, figure out how you can be healthy & maybe, just maybe we will meet up again!!

Uncertain....

When I first thought about doing the challenge I was overcome with the thought that just maybe I would FINALLY get to do all that I have wanted to do with my weight, my health (both inside & out), & I would finally be the person I dreamed I could be, I didn't take into consideration all the uncertainties that would come along with it.
Uncertain that I could control my bad eating habits....
Uncertain that I could & would exercise more, that 30 minutes in the gym won't cut it....
Uncertain that nobody would care....
Uncertain that I would allow deep inner feelings to attack me....
Uncertain that my energy level would increase & nothing would get in the way....
Now I understand more, yes after just 5 days, that NOBODY but me can control those eating habits, I am the only one that understands what makes me tick & makes me think I am worth every bit of this challenge, and while I want people to care, I don't want babysitters on my food/exercise intake, just sit by & watch, cheer me on both on good days & mostly on the bad days!!
I have to be the one to motivate myself, because at the end of the day, it is me that decides what I am going to do....and how I am going to do it....
I can't & won't allow the vices from the outside get in the way, I MUST be determined & I must realize that it isn't going to happen over night, I need to MOTIVATE myself & get rid of all the excuses!!
I don't want to be uncertain, I can & will succeed!!

Here we go.....

Well Friday was the big day!!
Weigh in & measurements done...
Learned some statistics about cardiovascular diseases, enough to scare me into wanting to be healthier....
Now then, big question of the day....WHY in the world when you are told you are to watch what you eat, does EVERYTHING sound & taste so dang good?? And WHY is one ALWAYS hungry....
that is the question of my day!!