Taking it up a notch....and my crack pants

....I am sure that the title of this post will make you think that I am talking about exercise & watching what I eat - that I am going to take it up one more notch, but alas it is not....nope this post is about the cheap, walmart, fake leather belt that I bought at the beginning of the challenge (or shortly after it started)...

Let me back up a bit & explain....I have NO idea whose "brilliant" idea it was to create pants for women that don't fit!!! I am talking about these low riding, sit on the hip, show a lot more crack than I want to see on anyone else, let alone SHOW of mine pants!!! I am a fashion failure, meaning that I am NOT hip, I am NOT up on the latest & greatest styles, I HATE to shop & it has NOTHING to do with the fact that I get discouraged because I can't find anything, it has everything to do with the fact that I think it is a waste of time, money & effort...however I hear there are laws (thank goodness) against running around with no clothes on, therefore one must shop!!
So back at the beginning of the challenge all of my current pants/jeans got together & decided to sprout holes in them, all at once.....I was very upset at this because first I hate to shop, second I didn't want to have to buy pants in the size I was in at the time, third I LOVED the pants I had & really didn't want to part with them, I had them 'broken in' like I enjoy them & fourth, I hate to shop!!! But off to the mall Matt & I went (I refused to wear skirts in place of jeans - did it for 18 months already!!)
We found some jeans that we both agreed looked 'cool enough', off to the dressing room we went, they were the low riding, crack showing kind of jeans....didn't like them, but didn't want to wear elastic waisted ones quite yet....so I got them....now not knowing the 'right' way to buy these crack pants, I bought my "normal" size....OOPS!! it didn't take me long to realize that I couldn't wear them where I normally wear my jeans (around my REAL waist) without them falling down & resting on my shelves (also known as hips)....
So I had to go buy a belt to keep them up where I actually wanted them to be (see I bought super long length, so I could wear them hiked up)....I think I am painting a rather interesting picture here...hmmmm But knowing that I was hopefully going to be losing some inches in my waist & hips, I decided I didn't want to spend a lot of money on a belt....so off to walmart I go, found a great fake leather belt for only $8.00....I didn't want to buy a large size, so I tried on the small/medium size & stressed that belt to fit....I could barely get the hook in the first hole, but I refused to buy larger, it was not on the game plan....
Over the weeks, the fake leather top has ripped, so I pulled the whole bit off, it is now a nice shade of gray with brown accents :) , I have slowly tighted this belt up each week, marking progress of inches gone....then today I discovered something that has just made me giddy with some excitement.....I am now on the LAST hole of this belt, no more stress, no more tightening, there are NO more holes available....and honestly I could use another hole....
I am so freaking excited!! I can't believe that a belt & a hole could make one feel so accomplished....I remember when Matt was losing a lot of weight a few years ago (if you haven't visited his blog to see his photos from about 6 years ago, GO!!!) & he kept making new holes in his belt & I wondered if that would ever be me.....NOW it is....I am so excited to go shopping to find pants that actually FIT me in the waist & I bet I can find some, and just possibly they will be some that won't have to sit on my hips or increase the crack problem invading our world!!!
YAY me!!!

Now then on another note, the class this AM was AMAZING, Mike was great, I loved the food ideas & I am anxious to try the wraps on the boys in the morning!!! However I really wonder what rock I have been under....I had NO idea that next week would be the last week of class, what am I going to do without seeing each of you weekly????....is this a way of weaning us from each other & making us independent for the weeks to come?? YIKES, I am going to miss seeing every ones smiling faces & I am sad to think it is coming to an end...{sigh}

made me think....

Okay, I am copying what Brittany did, I am putting a quote on here, it is one that I read today on Facebook, I liked it...

"Challenges are what make life more interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."

another week

I am looking forward to another week of working hard & meeting goals that I have set for myself...
There have been moments during the challenge that I really wished I had done something different, that I had really held onto a moment for a longer period of time & relished in it for a bit longer....
But hitting the last 25 days of this challenge has just reiterated to me that it is not over & I will continue to learn from the lessons & mistakes I have made & that every single moment is a new moment to relish & conquer....
AWWWW, the power of ones mind, you can do ANYTHING you set your mind too, that is a lesson I learned very well last night!! I am going to be prideful for a moment & say that I am amazed at myself & the one thing I have been able to accomplish....I am proud of myself for a moment of time!!! I set a goal & not only did I reach it, I exceeded it....and it had NOTHING to do with what I eat, how much I lose or the amount I work out, it was just something I had to do!! Thanks babe for pushing me along on the journey!!!

finding satisfaction

Satisfaction: (sat-is-fak-shuhn) noun - an act of satisfying, fulfillment, gratification, contentment; confident acceptance of something as satisfactory, dependable, true, etc; the opportunity to redress or right a wrong.
(I know what I want to say, just not sure if it will come across like I want, so here goes nothing:

This word has been swimming through my mind a lot the past few days....for lots of different reasons...
a: finding satisfaction in working out hard & making progress
b: finding satisfaction in what I choose to eat
c: finding satisfaction in what I choose NOT to eat
d: finding satisfaction in the progress that I feel
e: finding satisfaction in how I am changing physically, mentally & emotionally
f: finding satisfaction in how others perceive what I have been doing (compliments)
g: finding satisfaction in knowing that I am changing a wrong into a right (see above definition)

So last night was a HUGE a-ha moment for me & this "satisfaction issue". I realize that I am counting on others to help me to FEEL this satisfaction that I want so badly - let me explain....I have been running into friends & acquaintances throughout this challenge, some that I see on a regular basis & some that I haven't seen for months. Upon seeing some of these friends, I have anxiously awaited for them to make some profound comment on the change that I am certain is happening while on this challenge, I am sitting on the edge of my seat, if you will, anxious to hear them gush over the amount of weight loss they see in me (I am vain, yes, I know I have lost, why can't others see it too??), then last night, after spending an entire day with a group of ladies that I haven't seen since last fall & not have ONE of them comment on the 'new look of Ali' it hit me: I HAVE TO BE THE ONE THAT IS SATISFIED WITH WHAT I AM DOING, NOT WAITING AROUND FOR OTHERS TO GIVE ME THE COMMENTS!!!
I am learning, slowly to be proud of what I have been able to do, I am proud that I go to the gym & work hard, I am proud when I make better choices on how I cook & what I eat, I am even proud when I choose to eat something I enjoy & KNOW when to stop, I am proud when I realize that I have changed something so wrong in my life to something better, I am proud when I move my belt up a notch because if not my pants will fall (and I have told my boys that crack kills, so....), I am proud of myself, even if I am walking into that wall of disappointment more times that I am walking down the hall of fame!!

Finding satisfaction in what I am doing is a huge milestone for me.....

Hitting walls

I should get the hint...really it isn't that hard....Sleep IS my friend, as I was going into the wellness center this morning with my mom, I seriously hit into the wall while trying to walk upstairs to exercise - the anticipation & excitement to get busy & sweat was too much for me to contain I suppose...not really, it was the lack of being able to see in the wee hours - but as much as I am not a fan of getting up, I AM a fan of getting to the gym & starting my day off on the right foot!!!
Actually I am hitting walls all over the place....the wall of making a menu & sticking to it; the wall of planning a shopping list & actually going to the store; the wall of chocolate temptation!! It has been worse this past week than it has been the whole challenge, I can't stop thinking & dreaming of chocolate - the nice creamy brown wall of chocolate...but I am resisting (but not without a fit or two); hitting the wall of realizing that in 5 weeks we are done, what is a girl to do?? Will we keep in touch, will we not care about all we learned & go back to bad habits?? What walls await us???
I am feeling good about where I am at this point, still have a few things I want to change & feel the frustration of the wall of disappointment....

Forget the weight room!!

I am only joking, don't forget the weight room, but I am telling you the bug I got yesterday worked my arms & upper body better than anything Julianne or Traci have thrown my way up to this point. AND NO THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO UP THE PROGRAM!!!
Remember it is all about me this week....well one of the things that I cherish & desire is to have a clean house, I have really, really relaxed on how anal I am about the house, after all I finally got not just one, but TWO dogs that live IN the house with us....trust me, this is VERY unlike me, but it is another post all together....now going back to my desire....
I have started to learn that having a CLEAN, meaning eat off the floor clean, house is a harder task than I have had the energy, time or strength to deal with for a very long time....but one thing was bugging me & yesterday was "tackle day"....my kitchen floor
It is one of the first things you will see when you enter into my home & it was driving me CRAZY, so after dropping the boys off to school I zoomed past target, loaded myself down with a big bottle of pine-sol (can't really stand the stuff, but I wanted to be able to SMELL clean!!), a big scrubbing brush & rubber gloves....headed home & started scrubbing the floor on my hands & knees....
I shall have bruises for a few days I am afraid (or at least sore, sore knees) & my arms were so worked out that the weights nearly did me in this morning, but I went, lifted & got through it....I look forward to having a nap today AND tomorrow now, for crying out loud I deserve it....
So if you want a good upper body workout, get cleaning!!
(side note to all you men out there, when the wife asks you if you can see a difference, JUST SAY YES, even if you can't really see - now to be fair to Matt, our floor is very, very hard to see the dirt - a reason I picked it, it hits the yucky well - but my son will attest that it was DIRTY - so while Matt couldn't really see the difference until I pointed it all out (I still had a dirty patch to finish), men just lie if you must!! :) he he )

This week....

This week I am kicking it up more, gonna dedicate more time at the gym & watch every freaking thing that goes into my mouth....this week I am going to spend doing some things for ME, only ME, I am being selfish!! I plan to go to the temple, I plan to go for an afternoon walk, I plan to go paint at color me mine, I plan on doing a boutique for my business, I plan on only working at the school Friday this week, because I NEED a break & I need to balance myself out a bit....
I plan on taking a nap Wednesday, because my friend & I are going out tomorrow night to a late movie, I plan on getting it all together so that I can kick it up some more!!
So here's to ME & the things I will discover this week because of ME, MYSELF & I....

Why oh "Y"?

Spring break is one of my most favorite times of the year, I LOVE knowing that I have a week to catch up & spend with my boys!! We have endless time to do fun 'day trips', going places that we enjoy!!

Every year I try to figure out something new that we haven't done before & toss that into the equation....well this year, MATT came up with the idea....

"Let's hike up to the Y on the mountain!!" he says....

Now then I have lived in Provo my entire life (except when I was on my mission & when I was a nanny) & I have NEVER, EVER had a desire to hike up to sit on the Y...but this time it actually sounded FUN!!?? really hiking & fun in the same sentence?? hmmmm (must be those early mornings & the lack of chocolate that is clouding my mind!!)

So up we got on Saturday, Matt packed the backpack (now mind you I had NO idea what he put in there until I put the pack on - being nice, we were going to take turns carrying it) I teased him all the way up that he took the entire fridge!! (he is a good sport)

At first I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it, we hadn't even hit the third turn & I was sweating buckets, had my jacket off (I was the only one winded mind you), felt the burn in my legs like no other & was wheezing all the while!! Then I took the fridge off my back & sailed the rest of the way up....

It was so amazing to sit up on the side of the mountain with Matt & the boys & know that I had the strength to enjoy such a hike....to be a PART of the adventure, rather than send everyone else off to have the fun!!

AMAZING!!!

all I am saying is this:

AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!
We are more than 1/2 way through....(said in awe, panic & total disbelief!!)
last 6 week workout anyone!!! ha ha
pushing harder, harder, harder!!!

Fooling who??

...okay, this morning as I walked out of the gym from my workout, I told my mom: "seriously WHO am I fooling? This is going to be one of those 'I am going to stop by & get me some chocolate to get me through this day' days"...I am saying good bye to one of my dearest friends today, so really who am I fooling?? I am emotionally eating a chocolate today - Debbie would want me to! And I am not going to try to fool myself into believing that just for today I am NOT going to emotionally eat a chocolate (actually I already had it, a small bit, it was good & I do feel better), so I am done trying to fool myself into believing I am strong today, because I am not, just for today....

Not sure what to post about....

...I really don't know what to post about...I have a lot going on in my head & heart, but just not willing to share it with everyone, sometimes things are just better left unsaid...
But I want to share SOMETHING, so I am just typing away, hoping that something profound will find its way through the cobwebs & mess in my head & come through my fingers to say....
waiting....
waiting....
it has been an interesting week for me, I finally finished my 5 week (it was cut short, thanks to spring break :) ) teaching job of my sweet sixth graders, one of the co-teachers, who also happens to be my sons teacher & a friend of mine, was talking to me about how I survived the 5 weeks & how I managed to do things with this class that the regular teacher never did, it was nice to know that I did something right, it was nice to know that I am done, it is sad to say good bye, but I am ready to move on to the next class & get my life back!!! My friend also said to me, "I bet you learned more about yourself than you realize during this past month." I have pondered on this & I have learned stuff, things I wouldn't be able to know without the experience I had in the school ~ some good, some not so good ~ I am glad that I could be successful in what I did.
The kids also knew about this challenge & was amazed that their teacher was "pumping iron", so they challenged me to come back at the end of the challenge & do 40 push ups for them (they said one for every year I am old ~ little monkeys), so I am working on that for them, we will see what happens....ugggg!!
I am looking forward to spending a week home with my boys, I look forward to having some serious down time to do "normal" things with them, we are planning some fun outings during spring break & they are even excited to pack healthy snacks & lunches to help us stay away from Wendy's or McDonalds....
We found out yesterday, from our oldest that he really doesn't like veggie burgers, he was only eating them because he knew it was important to Matt & I to eat better & he would be a "good sport", so I guess we will be giving him something different. What a great sacrifice on his part to encourage us to be on track & healthy!!!
I learned that soccer at dinner time calls for creativity ~ as before I would just grab & go, now I have to PLAN, PREPARE & THINK before we hit the field, it has meant healthy snacks during the game to tie us all over until AFTER the game, it means setting the oven or cooking in the crock pot, it means ORGANIZATION!!
I also realized that I can get a good mile or mile & 1/2 walk/run in BEFORE a game...the boys have to be on the field 30 minutes prior to starting time in comp ball, so that means we all go early....so instead of just sitting there, being lazy, I don my walking shoes on, go in my workout clothes, stick my ear plugs in & WALK!! It has given me the boost of energy I need to get through those last few hours of the day (plus it helps me not feel so guilty about going to bed a 8:30!! ~ but trust me folks, 4:00 AM comes quick)!!
I also learned that no matter how rotten life feels at the moment, the best thing to do is cry about it & still go to the gym!! I had a very, very dear friend pass away this week, the call came right as we were heading out the door to meet Julianne, I knew her death was coming, but the timing wasn't the best....as Matt & I drove to the gym, I cried like a baby - Matt kept telling me he would take me home & I didn't have to work out, however I knew that Debbie wants me to be successful in this challenge, she would want me to do what I had planned & not fuss over her, so I came, I cried walking, biking & lifting weights....I got through it....the lesson I learned is that no matter what life hands you, you must have the MENTAL strength to get through it - and no matter how hard it is to exercise or put that piece of chocolate down, if you have the MENTAL strength to get through it, you will!!!
I can't believe we are more than half through this, I am wishing the clock could be turned back, that we had the knowledge & know how we have NOW to start over....but I am truly grateful for the time we have had in the first half of this challenge to learn!! Here is to the next 7 weeks, may the force be with us to DO our best & in the words of Yoda (yes I am a star wars fan):
"Do or Do Not; there is no TRY!"