Not sure what to post about....

...I really don't know what to post about...I have a lot going on in my head & heart, but just not willing to share it with everyone, sometimes things are just better left unsaid...
But I want to share SOMETHING, so I am just typing away, hoping that something profound will find its way through the cobwebs & mess in my head & come through my fingers to say....
waiting....
waiting....
it has been an interesting week for me, I finally finished my 5 week (it was cut short, thanks to spring break :) ) teaching job of my sweet sixth graders, one of the co-teachers, who also happens to be my sons teacher & a friend of mine, was talking to me about how I survived the 5 weeks & how I managed to do things with this class that the regular teacher never did, it was nice to know that I did something right, it was nice to know that I am done, it is sad to say good bye, but I am ready to move on to the next class & get my life back!!! My friend also said to me, "I bet you learned more about yourself than you realize during this past month." I have pondered on this & I have learned stuff, things I wouldn't be able to know without the experience I had in the school ~ some good, some not so good ~ I am glad that I could be successful in what I did.
The kids also knew about this challenge & was amazed that their teacher was "pumping iron", so they challenged me to come back at the end of the challenge & do 40 push ups for them (they said one for every year I am old ~ little monkeys), so I am working on that for them, we will see what happens....ugggg!!
I am looking forward to spending a week home with my boys, I look forward to having some serious down time to do "normal" things with them, we are planning some fun outings during spring break & they are even excited to pack healthy snacks & lunches to help us stay away from Wendy's or McDonalds....
We found out yesterday, from our oldest that he really doesn't like veggie burgers, he was only eating them because he knew it was important to Matt & I to eat better & he would be a "good sport", so I guess we will be giving him something different. What a great sacrifice on his part to encourage us to be on track & healthy!!!
I learned that soccer at dinner time calls for creativity ~ as before I would just grab & go, now I have to PLAN, PREPARE & THINK before we hit the field, it has meant healthy snacks during the game to tie us all over until AFTER the game, it means setting the oven or cooking in the crock pot, it means ORGANIZATION!!
I also realized that I can get a good mile or mile & 1/2 walk/run in BEFORE a game...the boys have to be on the field 30 minutes prior to starting time in comp ball, so that means we all go early....so instead of just sitting there, being lazy, I don my walking shoes on, go in my workout clothes, stick my ear plugs in & WALK!! It has given me the boost of energy I need to get through those last few hours of the day (plus it helps me not feel so guilty about going to bed a 8:30!! ~ but trust me folks, 4:00 AM comes quick)!!
I also learned that no matter how rotten life feels at the moment, the best thing to do is cry about it & still go to the gym!! I had a very, very dear friend pass away this week, the call came right as we were heading out the door to meet Julianne, I knew her death was coming, but the timing wasn't the best....as Matt & I drove to the gym, I cried like a baby - Matt kept telling me he would take me home & I didn't have to work out, however I knew that Debbie wants me to be successful in this challenge, she would want me to do what I had planned & not fuss over her, so I came, I cried walking, biking & lifting weights....I got through it....the lesson I learned is that no matter what life hands you, you must have the MENTAL strength to get through it - and no matter how hard it is to exercise or put that piece of chocolate down, if you have the MENTAL strength to get through it, you will!!!
I can't believe we are more than half through this, I am wishing the clock could be turned back, that we had the knowledge & know how we have NOW to start over....but I am truly grateful for the time we have had in the first half of this challenge to learn!! Here is to the next 7 weeks, may the force be with us to DO our best & in the words of Yoda (yes I am a star wars fan):
"Do or Do Not; there is no TRY!"

I am still alive....barely

Okay...
its been a while....
well really toooo long....
since I last posted a post....
but I just haven't found anytime to do it....
soccer started....
school is still going strong....
still getting up before the birds to workout....literally!!
wondering if THIS weekend will be the one that I get caught up with life (I have been saying this for 3 weeks now)....
just wanted to reassure people I am still alive....
BARELY!! :)
Hope all is well with everyone, missed seeing you all at the class on Friday, but the country fair took priority at school....now that was fun, 34 students, stressed out about this huge project they were doing (trust me I know how stressed, as I had one in my home getting his done!!), looking forward to class on Friday, workout with Julianne on Thursday & well just really finding time for ME at somepoint, in the near, near future....
PS a nap sounds so heavenly!!!

The busiest time of my life....

I was speaking to a friend the other day, talking about all the different things that I was balancing & expressing how fitting an exercise program & healthy eating was the hurdle that I was overcoming day by day....
She was kind enough to remind me that RIGHT NOW is probably the busiest time of my life, and that this is a positive thing, because if I could make it work RIGHT NOW when I feel so overwhelmed & exhausted, then chances are I would be okay when life settles down!!
I look forward to my life settling down just a bit...I just found out yesterday that I will be done teaching 2 weeks earlier than I thought (one of those weeks being spring break), while part of me is sad to be done, a bigger part of me is excited to make ME a priority again & go back to occasional teaching....
I am learning to listen to my body in all sorts of ways....not just about hunger, but also how I am feeling mentally, physically, spiritually & emotionally....at times it scares me to see where I am heading in all these "departments", but then it thrills me to see where I have been & how much I have grown....
Let the countdown begin....T-minus 16 days until my life becomes mine again!!

AHHHHH......

....the weekend is here!!!
FINALLY!!!!

random ramblings

I ate a cookie, it tasted good...I felt guilt, I got over it!!
I didn't work out every day last week, I was okay with that, my body & mind was screaming louder than the treadmill!!
Matt & I created an incredible menu for the week & shopped together for everything, that was nice to get done!!
I am getting out of bed way earlier than should be legal to work out, but I am sleeping like a baby at night - I am glad about this....
I am trying to increase my knowledge about so much I am sure my brain is going to explode!!
My bike level was upped this week, as I worked out I screamed like I was in labor (we were the only ones there, no worries, I didn't scare anyone) & then told Matt having all 3 boys without an epidural was much more fun than that bike workout...now I cringe on the inside while riding, too many people around!! (Please go away so I can scream, it is a great stress reliever!!)
I had great chats with both Mary & Kathy!! Thanks for the support & listening ear!!
I am glad that I am doing this challenge with Matt, I couldn't imagine trying to change so much of my life without him next to me...at least this way he understands what I am experiencing!!
Thanks Honey!!

Not giving up

This week has been a challenge for me, I have felt extremely busy & overwhelmed with what my plate has on it right now...trying to figure out what is the most important & what can wait until the next day or even the next 6 weeks!!
I have felt frustrated with myself for not planning better on some of the days this week, I have felt the effects of it...
I know I need to give myself a break, but I feel like I am on a very fast moving merry-go-round that is going to run out of steam before I can enjoy the ride completely....I have always been a perfectionist & I don't like to do things just half way, I figure if I am only going to do a job partially then I shouldn't even be doing any of it....
However, I learned a valuable lesson this week while feeling the frustration of my non-existent planning, the most IMPORTANT part was that I DID NOT give up, even though I was only giving it half of me, that I couldn't do 100%, that was HUGE, I know that tomorrow will come & I can try to improve my day a little bit more, that I need to give myself credit for the things I DID do & not dwell on the things I didn't do....
So here is to another week, one that might go better, might not....I guess that is the best part of the story, it can be both an adventure AND a mystery!!!

The best birthday gifts ever

Okay, so I was really worried that I was going to get chocolates, dr. pepper & other yummy, yet not on my plan, items this year for my birthday....but instead I got:
**to get up at 4:15 to go work out before going to teach my class,
**to go to the jr. high with 94 11/12 year olds to learn about different classes,
**a huge container of strawberries to munch on,
**the best homemade cards from my boys,
**a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my husband (delivered at school),
**a classroom of wonderful young people that were on their best behavior,
**a gift card from Julianne (my trainer) to go to Oasis Yogurt for a fun, guilt free treat!!,
**cards that expressed what people admire in me,
**a nice rest/nap after school
**a peanut butter sandwich for lunch (this is one of my all time favorites)

It has been a good day....I am so blessed...
Here's to the next 40 years, may they be more healthy than the first 40!!
**but I am really, really craving cadbury mini eggs, why, I ask why!!?? he he